A FEW MORE ODD JOKES

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I haven’t posted in a while so I thought I would give a funny or two.

A man in a restaurant was making an ass of himself.
The wait staff had enough,  the all went to the table and removed everything from it.
As he complained to the manager,
“Then they took all the stuff off the table.”
The manager looks at the man and said
“Oh no sir, it was de-served.”

Groan all you want.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot??

A carrot.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the bulb has to WANT to change.

Q. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Zero, that is a hardware problem.

And now the bad one the one you can’t Un see

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Lol

As always thanks for reading
Dab

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Looking for readers to write an honest review in exchange for a copy of my new book!

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Good offer

Viv Drewa - The Owl Lady

Viv Drewa, Author and Blogger's photo.Send me a message at https://www.facebook.com/vivdrewa.author/
and let me know which format you would like, .pdf or .mobi.

Detectives Joe Leverette and Philip Marsden are assigned to investigate the murder of a woman who was found dismembered in Port Huron, Michigan. After investigations, it is discovered the murderer is going after the individuals who found each of the body parts.
Leverette becomes interested in Carole Sage, one of the women involved, who is a sensitive but is unable to pursue her due to her involvement in the case. His colleagues in the police force notice the infatuation he has for the woman, but she does not.
The witnesses dream about the murderer removing the particular body part they would eventually find, are startled awake and then they hear an owl hoot several times. Fearing skepticism, they don’t reveal their dreams to law enforcement.
Carole Sage actually sees the original…

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A Valentine’s Bind book release

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 A Valentine’s Bind

Here is my latest offering ready for a hot Valentine’s read
 
 
The Blurb
 
When University student Nicky Johnson decides to make an impromptu visit to a BDSM club with friends she get more than she bargained for. 
The alcohol fuelled evening finds her asleep on her sofa the next day, suffering from memory loss. 
But who brought her home? 
Dominant Dariel Pearson shows her that spanking and submission can be empowering. 
Will this be a life changing experience for Nicky? 
This New Adult contemporary romance is a steamy,sexy tale of love, dominance and submission.
 
 
 
Only 99p UK or 99c US
 
Excerpt
 
Chapter 1. 
 
 
Nicky
 
     I woke up slowly. Opening first one eye then the other tentatively. My head banging and my mouth felt like the bottom of a parrot cage. The need for food immediate and overpowering. The mantra in my head repeating over and over.
 I am never drinking red wine again. I am never drinking red wine again.
     Then, I spotted the open packets and containers of food spread across the coffee table in the living room. No wonder my neck hurt so much. Falling asleep on the sofa with my head at an unnatural angle will do that to a person.
    With a selection of leftovers heated up I munched aimlessly. Trying to remember how I got home the previous evening. And, the twenty dollar question was “Who with?” I could hear someone coming through my front door with a key. But, I lived alone, and no one else had keys to my flat. Not even my family. 
I turned to look as the handle started to twisted, panicking as the door pushed open and in stepped a stunning man with dark brown hair. He was wearing, what looked to me like a Saville Row suit. His steely blue gaze connecting with my own slightly bloodshot pale blue eyes.
     Oh. Finally awake are we?” he remarked in a clipped accent as he walked in shutting the door carefully behind him.
     I attempted to swallow the mouthful of curry I was in the middle of chewing and began to cough violently. It had gone down the wrong hole and I was turning an unattractive blue hue.
     Reacting quickly he shot over and banged me on the back sharply three times dislodging the errant bit of curry. Which promptly shot out of my mouth, landing on the rug. Oh. My God. How embarrassing I didn’t have a clue who he was and this is how he gets his first glimpse of me. Eating warmed up curry. Looking like I had been dragged backwards through a hedge. Except, apparently this wasn’t our first meeting at all. He had a key to my flat and seemed to know his way around. 
     What on earth went on last night?
    Grabbing some tissues I cleaned up the mess on the rug and guiltily started to tidy up the living area. He grabbed my arm firmly, turned me to face him and commanded.
     “Stop that right now. We need to talk. Sit down there.” 
     He pointed to the sofa and I felt an overwhelming compulsion to follow his orders.
     “Right. Tell me what you remember from last night. The truth mind you. I won’t be lied to.”
     I opened my mouth, then closed it again. This happened a few times as I had no idea what did happen, how he came to have a key or even how I got home.
     “Enough of that now. You look like a demented goldfish, opening and closing your mouth like that. So. I assume from your body language and failure to respond that you haven’t a clue who I am. No idea what I am doing here or even aware of the fact I had to escort you home.”
     I nodded and shrugged. Not trusting myself to talk without making the situation worse. So. The “who” I came home with was revealed.
     “Well then. Perhaps introductions are in order. For starters I know a little about you already. Your name is Nicola Johnson, or Nicky to your friends. You are a student at Salford University studying sociology, who works in a bar in town part-time. Your parents live in Spain having retired recently. Are you sure you can’t remember anything about yesterday evening?” He quizzed. A stern look on his face.
    I stared at him and tried my absolute best to remember something, anything. He did look familiar but I couldn’t even remember his name, where we had met or what had led to us coming home together. He wasn’t even my type, which was the big shocker. He looked way to sophisticated for a piss poor student like me to snaffle.
     “Well…I remember your face. But, other than that it is hazy. I must have drunk way too much red wine last night to blank out the entire evening like this.” I replied.
     “Oh, petal I think the shots might have something to do with the memory loss. That, and the spliff I found you sharing with the guys that wanted to take you home with them. For a threesome as I remember rightly.”
 
 
 
xXx
 
 
 
Links
 
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